Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize