I look better un-naked...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
