Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize