Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
