Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
