We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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