then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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