Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
