Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"

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(813): View more from Florida

I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

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(650): View more from California

I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.

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(917): View more from New York City

will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”

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