Jerry, you need to find god
from now on my penis is your penis
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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