Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
