3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
