i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
