I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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