So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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