Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
