At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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