Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize