Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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