we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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