Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
