How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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