you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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