your thong is hanging out like whoa
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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