I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
