That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
