I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
