did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
