I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
