i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
