I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
