Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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