Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
