roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
