no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
