Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
sex in a hospital.. check
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
