i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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