you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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