remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
