Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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