She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
