I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She told me I should be a condom model.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
