Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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