At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
