Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
