tell your sister to shave her snatch
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i believe in u and ur pee
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
