i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
