Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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