I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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