I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
