Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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