dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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