I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My ass is underappreciated
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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