My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
