I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
