wakey wakey hands off snakey
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
