now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
