my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
