things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
