He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
