Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
