Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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