It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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