She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
