i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
