You work out of a Hotel?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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