If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
