Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize