I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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