I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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