so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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