I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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