why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
