Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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