I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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