Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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