so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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