it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
