So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
